You hear it all the time: never settle for anything less than the extraordinary. Never settle for anything that makes you unhappy. Never settle for a person who treats you like a nobody just you can have somebody. Never settle, never settle, never settle. On a constant refrain from everyone in your life when you get disappointed, constantly in your head when you’re struggling with something that you’re not particularly jazzed about, even country songs are written about it.
All this talk about never settling and always striving for the extraordinary can be confusing, head spinning, and make you want to stop trying. At least, that’s how I feel lately. Despite all the things that I have going in my life right now, I’m feeling like I’m settling for some of the things that I have.
- Job: For the last three years, I thought that I’ve known what I wanted to do, and have spent a lot of time chasing after those goals. And now, after three years, countless hours of training, impassioned speeches and facts and figures, and even taking a job that was related to the field I want, but not quite in it was good enough. Hell, taking two jobs in the periphery of the fields I want I thought was a good way to get me in the door of finding my true passion while I settled down and worked on what I wanted. The key word though, was settled. Still, I keep doing it because I do love helping the people who need it, even if I’m hesitant about the field I’ve chosen.
- Boyfriends: This is probably the thing I have had THE MOST trouble with in the past few years. Constantly floating around, going from guy to guy, just trying to have someone there who could hold me at night and give me wild sex when I wanted it. Which of course resulted in a lot more nights crying into the pillow because I thought I wasn’t wanted by anyone or because I was being treated like lower than the dog shit he scrapes off his shoes after a 12 hour shift grinding the gears. Settling for guys with no jobs, career prospects, money, futures, or even the will/means to take care of me. And yet, I would have followed these guys anywhere if they’d asked me to, because they were mine.
- Life: I didn’t end up where I thought that I would, not where I lived, what field I ended up working in (I went to college thinking that I’d be a publisher), or even my post-grad living situation. I ended up struggling to make ends meet for three months with no income because I was too stubborn to accept defeat and move back home with my parents. And yet, my stubbornness ended up with me settling for moving back home with my parents and getting jobs that I knew how to do to make some money. I settled for a life that I was trying so hard to avoid because I was trying so hard not to settle for and made no plan to find another path to take.
Tonight, I was talking to my mom about my life plan, where I wanted to go in this life and how I was going to start pursuing it when I felt like I had lost some motivation. We talked about where I wanted to go, and how I wanted to get there. Over dinner, we talked about a lot of things that were bothering me lately, and worked out where I thought I should be.
And I will tell you, it was an eyeopener for me. I realized that I was letting myself get away with a lot of things, things that I would never let someone I loved get away with. If I were to see my very best friend acting the way I am, settling for whatever she can get her hands on without putting in too much effort, including men, well, I’d have to slap her silly. So I ask you, why should I let myself off the hook like that, when I’m supposed to be the one I love most?