Faith, Life Talk, Real Talk

I Don’t Believe in the One That Got Away

Two of my exes recently got engaged. I mean, it’s to be expected, I’m at that age where friends and Facebook acquaintances are getting engaged and having babies and buying houses and all that stuff, so my Facebook news feed is a constant minefield of people who look like they have their lives more together than me, making me feel inadequate about where I am in life. It tends to happen that way after college, or so I’m told.

Both of these exes are great guys, nice men and I hope that they have every happiness in the world with their fianceés, since they deserve it. I never regretted being in a relationship with either of them, and I am glad to know that they have found true happiness.

One of these men, until recently, was the one that got away.

He was my first love, my first serious relationship, and the first man that I considered losing my virginity to (don’t worry Mom, I held onto it for a little bit longer after him). He was a lot of firsts for me, my best friend for many years, even after we broke up, and someone who I always felt truly understood me.

Never again did I think that I was going to meet a man like him, and, honestly, I never really have. But throughout the last few years, that we were just friends, the bloom fell off the rose, and I began to see things more clearly, specifically, why he wasn’t meant for me:

  1. We have different political opinions
  2. I have to sometimes explain what words mean
  3. We have different ideas of what’s a fun way to pass the time
  4. He smokes or vapes or dips or does something with smoke or tobacco and that’s a deal breaker for me
  5. He doesn’t always think before he speaks, which results in some really hurtful things coming out of his mouth
  6. He didn’t stand up for me as much as he should have
  7. We couldn’t have the important conversations
  8. We rushed our feelings and slowed our building a relationship

All the bad things, the disenchantments and the falling outs, eventually grew to outweigh the good, and now, I am happy for him and his fiancée, and I wish them a lifetime of happiness together. I hope that their relationship grows and changes the way that they wish it will, and they stay in love for the rest of their lives. I’m moving on.

I no longer believe in the one that got away.

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Yes, I believe in romantic comedies, and one of my favorite rom-coms will always be Sweet Home Alabama and Reese Witherspoon’s beautiful line “The truth is I gave my heart away a long time ago, my whole heart, and I never really got it back,” and I always thought how romantic that concept was. I wanted to be the girl that gave her heart away to “the one” and then he got away but then they reunited and she finally got to feel whole again. But the truth is, I don’t need that anymore.

Sure, it would be nice to find the one that I can settle down with and keep around and maybe not hate to wake up to in the morning, someone who fills my heart with little butterflies whenever I see him or makes me smile and laugh, but the truth is, he’s in the future not the past. All the ones that have come and gone have gone for a reason, and that reason isn’t because I needed to make myself a better me to be worthy of them. I am perfect just the way that I am, and I am deserving of someone who can see me for who I am, rather than who they want me to be.

I have my whole heart now, and it’s mine all mine. My whole heart is filled by me, my thoughts, my feelings, my passions, and it’s open to experiencing life with someone else, but it’s not empty. There is only one magic person that can decide to make it full, and that’s me. I can find things to fill my heart, make it swell with pride and passion, but I can’t look to someone else to do it for me. Giving my heart away to someone else only tells my that I don’t care about it enough to treat it nicely, but I’m just going to willy nilly let someone else take over the job. Caring about and respecting my heart means caring for it myself, loving it myself, and making sure that it gets the fulfillment it needs. That’s how I get a full/whole heart.

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These words are true. They will always be true and they are never untrue. God has a plan for who He wants in your life, in my life, the people that He wants around to shape who you become. His reasons might not always be apparent at first, but He is making room for someone better to come along. You won’t know who it is until they get there, but if you trust His timing and His planning you will be just fine.

That’s why I no longer believe in the one that got away. God wants to make room in my life for the person that He has picked out for me, and that person isn’t one of the boys who have walked out before. That person is someone new, someone whose story I don’t know yet, who can add to the remaining chapters of mine and make them worthwhile. God is telling me that I need to be patient, and that He’s working it out for me. It’s not always going to happen right when I want it to happen, because, as Lauren Graham says, “then it wouldn’t be called life, it would be called vending machine.”

“But life doesn_t often spell things out for you or give you what you want exactly when you want it, otherwise it wouldn_t be called life, it would be called vending machine.” -L

God’s got it all under control. If someone walks out, let them go. You have much greater things waiting for you on the other side, and you have more room in your heart for them now.

Stay fearless, friends (3)

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Blog Talk, General, Life Talk

The Liebster Award!

 

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The beautiful @moodsreflective and Michele from Mindful Wellness tagged me in this blogging tradition, The Liebster Award. So, I’m answering both their questions and will follow the rest of the rules of the Liebster Award!

Rules:

This tag is meant to help bring more awareness to your blog, as well as be able to help others grow in the process by passing it along to other bloggers that you nominate. We’re here to make connections amongst each other in the blogging community, you guys, so this is a perfect way to make those connections to get your blog goin’. So, here are the ground rules, as I’ve seen them:

  1. You recognize the person who tagged you in the first place in your Liebster Award post.
  2. You answer the questions they included in their post for you to answer (they’ll normally insert the new questions they want you to answer towards the end of their blog post. I almost got confused and thought I was supposed to answer the questions that were already answered, lol).
  3. You create 11 new questions for the people you nominated to answer.
  4. You’ll tag the bloggers you feel you’d want to see do this tag, preferably if they have around 200 followers or less (help their follower count jump the fuck uupp).

Here are the questions from the wonderful moodsreflective!

Who are you writing for: the people, or yourself?

I’m writing for me, mostly, as a way to express myself and get in the regular practice of writing more. I also wanted to join a community of people who were similar-minded and dedicated to blogging and sharing and would help me make my writing better 🙂

Where do you normally draw inspiration for your blog posts?

Things that happen in my life, things I witness, and sometimes a thought that I want to write about and want to explore further

Who are you the most inspired by right now?

All of my fellow bloggers, warr;ors and mental health warr;ors, as well as my coworkers

If blogging is mainly your side hobby, where does your true passion lie?

Being a voice for those who feel like they’re in a dark tunnel, helping people in crisis and giving a shoulder to cry on, an ear to listen, and a support in times of turmoil. I am a social worker by trade, and I wouldn’t trade it for the world

Do you feel that your current level of confidence is where you want/need it to be?

When I’m standing in front of a bunch of impressionable kids, I’m the most confident person ever and I love it! In real life, my confidence could use a little work

Do you feel like you have enough “me” time?

I take so much “me” time that it’s crazy. I just wish that sometimes I had some more productive “me” time and actually accomplished some goals once in a while (Exhibit A: it’s taken me 3 days to write this blog post)

Are you most comfortable in a crowd, or hiding out in your room?

My room, all the way. It has my books, my laptop and my Gilmore Girls ❤

In times when you feel overwhelmed by life, what do you do to re-center yourself?

Reading, writing, going for long drives, falling asleep at random times in a comfy bed, listening to empowering music

How do you stay motivated to keep writing blog posts if you don’t get the amount of feedback you’re aiming for?

Knowing that this blog is for me, as a way to write out my feelings, practice my skills and express myself. If I reach one person with at least one of my posts, then I’ve done my best

Does your family know that you blog? If not, why?

Right now, no. This blog is for me, and my personal thoughts and feelings. While some people would argue that putting them on the Internet isn’t really all that personal and private, it still feels like mine and my project and a great way to grow my feminism and faith without too much pressure from too many people I know all too personally

What is a lesson you wish you would have learned earlier on in life?

Your parents are there to help you, not hurt you, and they want you to succeed. There is no shame in asking them for help when you’re struggling, because they are there to help you learn how to live life and be independent

Here are Michelle’s questions:

How long have you been blogging and what inspired you to start writing?

I’ve been on and off blogging for about 4-5 years. I started in college, and was just looking for ways to express myself and my thoughts on the world around me. This is probably my 3rd or 4th attempt at a blog, and I have been so inspired this time by myself and my journey and all the other strong people in this world and the blogging community

What is your experience/journey with mental health?

I was diagnosed with depression in high school, and have been fighting it ever since. It’s been a long road of finding the self-care that works for me and the coping skills that get me down from the ledge that I’m on. See this post for the full story on my mental health journey

What are you favorite self-care tips/routines/rituals?

Painting and art have been really healing for me, as well as writing. There’s something about creating something from nothing or blank space that’s so wonderful and exciting. Reading is also a wonderful part of my self-care, being able to appreciate the work of fellow artists and writers.

What else do you enjoy, aside from blogging?

Reading, writing, journaling, watching Netflix, going for long drives with the music blaring

What is your favorite food?

Any comfort food, really 🙂 I’m a picky eater when it comes to some things, but I also know what I like and what makes me happy

Any book recommendations? Mental health related or just for fun?

I just finished This is Just My Face, Try Not to Stare by Gabourey Sidibe, and it was AMAZING! I also love reliving classic childhood books like the Little House series by Laura Ingalls Wilder and more. If I had to write them all down, it would be a blog post in itself. Stay tuned for that post!

What are your long term goals for your blog?

Keep up with it for at least 6 months, be a part of the community and write some stuff

What’s your favorite song when you are feeling down?

Fight Song by Rachel Platten, Brave by Sara Bareilles, Fight Like a Girl by Kali Shorr, I Am Invincible by Cassadee Pope, I Will Survive by Gloria Gaynor, Make My Own Sunshine by Olivia Lane, Own It by Bailey Bryan, Road Less Traveled by Alyssa Bonagura, Road Less Traveled by Lauren Alaina, Roar by Katy Perry and pretty much anything country 🙂

What keeps you positive?

I’ve made it through every bad day so far; I can make it through these. God sometimes has a plan different than my ideas and trusting Him is the fastest way that I’ll be happy

What have you found to be the most difficult about blogging so far?

Sticking to a schedule and sometimes remembering to post

How has blogging or being a part of the blogging community helped you?

I have learned more about myself, my writing style and learned how to be more open with my mental health and personal journey. I have met some wonderfully strong and inspiring bloggers, and I am so grateful to be learning from them and working with them and building a group of warr;ors that I can lean on and be a part of and it’s so empowering!

 

And now…. it’s my turn. Here are some awesome bloggers that I admire:

Here are my questions for you all!

  1. Is this your first blog? If not, how have your blog efforts changed over the years?
  2. How has blogging made an impact on your life?
  3. What is your favorite thing about blogging?
  4. If you could travel any place in the world, where would it be?
  5. Favorite TV show to watch on a rainy day?
  6. If you could do one year in your life over again, what would it be and why?
  7. Name your 3 favorite things about yourself
  8. If you were going to run for president, how would you convince people to vote for you?
  9. Do you have any pets?
  10. What inspires you to blog, write or post?
  11. What is one thing that you wish everyone knew about you?

Thank you to moodsreflective and Michele for tagging me in this and allowing me to take part in it! I had a lot of fun, no matter how long it took me to write it!

Stay fearless, friends (3)